Mom tries again, (although so far unsuccessfully.)
Posted on: October 27, 2012 /
Mom called me tonight to… of all things… ask me if I wanted to go to an open house at the assisted living facility she’s wanted me to move into for 2 years on halloween. Thankfully, I made plans for halloween 2-3 weeks ago, when my friend Kim invited me to the women’s shelter where she works to help hand out candy, (like I did last year.) I thought I did away with this issue by sending mom the following email, dated 4/19/2012:
Hi Mom, I’m not sure where to start, but I’m writing this because I probably wouldn’t be able to say it very well over the phone. I suppose I should start in July 2010, when this thing that has gone on and on actually began. You thought it was necessary back then, and you still do today for some reason that only God knows and I don’t, to put me in a home with people who would be a lot less like me than it appears that you think. Let’s get one thing straight right away, you must think I am, but I’m not mentally delayed in any way that I know of. Trust me; I know this because I was around students both at OSB, and in special ED who were a lot worse off than I ever was. So the question remains, why do you want me to live in a commune with people I most likely wouldn’t be able to carry on a substantive conversation with? A second question is why would you even think I would be happy in a place like that? For 2 years, I’ve thought and prayed about this, and I’ve come to realize this is definitely not where God is leading me, and if it were I’m 99% sure I’d already be living there. I know you probably don’t believe that God has a plan for all of us, but scripture states the contrary on several occasions. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of them. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” In 2010, you said I should see things from your point of view. You guys don’t want me to be alone, and you want me to make friends my age. There are better solutions for fixing these issues than this. You don’t want me to be alone? Well one way to fix that is for me to meet someone and get married, so set me up with someone and we’ll see if it works out. You want me to make friends my age? I’m sure there are church groups for people my age, and if you’d like to take me, I’ll be happy to go. Not only that, but if I were going to consider moving into one of these facilities, the last place I’d want to live would be here in our small town, where there isn’t really much to do. I’d rather live in a bigger city, with more places to go and things to do than here. So if you want to put me away, the least you could do is take me far away from here. Secondly, if I was going to move, I wouldn’t want to move into a smaller place. Where’s the logic in that? Oh… there isn’t any, it makes no sense whatsoever! I thought after a while, you would let this go, but since you haven’t it’s come to this. I suppose one final question remains. If we traded places this instant, and you were me and I was the one insisting you move somewhere you really didn’t want to, would you? I’m sure your answer would be yes if it were me asking the question, but let’s say there was an impartial person involved here, then what would your answer be? I’ve decided to forgive you for the past 2 years of lectures when every time something goes wrong, or I was having trouble figuring out how to do something that it would just be easier if you live with us, or in a place where someone can take care of you. That however doesn’t mean I have to forget any of it, and I, (being exactly 16 months away from turning 30,) don’t have to comply with anything you’re asking me to do. So I just received your text, the lady that runs the place thinks I’ll love it there huh? Well I don’t want to live at someone else’s whim until the day I get married. I’m sorry but this just sounds like you’re trying to institutionalize me, which is what you’ve been trying to do for years. If you haven’t figured it out now, I’m against said institutionalism, I went through that for 3 years at OSB, and I do not wish to go through it again for the rest of my life. I could convert to Catholicism and become a nun, or become a monk and live in a monastery, or do something really, really bad, get arrested and go to prison for a long time. Would any of those things satisfy you? Because I’d be happy to do any of them if it gets you off my back, the way you’ve been off and on for the past 2 years.
OK OK, I probably shouldn’t publish this, but there aren’t any email addresses in this part, and I wanted to have a clear record of my efforts. I never got a reply to that email, and for 6 months, mom never addressed the issue, until today that is. OK, a bit of clerifying information, the assisted living facility is for people with developmental disabilities, which officially means that it happened while in the womb, but today it’s taken to mean people with a mental delay. Yeah, and mom wants me to live in a place like that.